Friday, September 2, 2011

It Ain't Always What You Think

I was going through my Twitter feed today and stumbled upon an update that a girlfriend of mine re-tweeted:

"Men socialize by insulting each other, but they don’t mean it. Women socialize by complimenting each other, and they don’t mean it either."

Call me dramatic for getting so riled up over a tweet - blanket statements like these are all over the internet - but this little generalization really irked me. I hate how women are portrayed as being catty, jealous, and passive-aggressive towards each other. There's always some ulterior motive in the way she shook your hand and smiled, or "condescendingly" helped you with your chemistry lab. I'm not saying that mean girls are a myth. What I am saying is that there aren't as many as you think.

When I was younger, I was scared to have close relationships with other girls. I've always had female friends but, with the exception of a few, I kept them all at a distance. I was so guarded and questioned every nice thing they said or did... But then I met some really awesome, smart, confident, happy girls. Some of them write on this blog with me. And my way of thinking switched. The girls I spend time with now are amazing in their respective ways, but the common denominator is that they're all secure in themselves. When we encourage and compliment each other, there is trust. And I think that's the key: in order to be secure with others, you need to be secure with yourself.

Of course, I have my days: a couple of weeks ago, I was running errands and this chick had a bad staring problem. I was getting defensive - I can't believe she is muggin' so blatantly, and something bad is about to go down in this Target parking lot! Before I walked past her, she told me she loved my dress. I was totally caught off-guard. I was feelin' her good vibes. My scowl turned into a smile, I said "thank you", and walked away with my faith in sisterhood restored.

Calm down, ladies. When someone says or does something nice for you, don't go gettin' all defensive, analyzing what that broad really meant. It ain't always what you think.


  1. I want those shoes that the lime green dress is wearing!!!

  2. OMG so true!! Women need to work on giving and taking compliments! :)

  3. @syl - i really want the whole outfit from the girl on the right! that's just my style! and the first on the left.
    @ana - exactly! i don't get why it's so hard to say "thank you" and carry on! :D

  4. I love that you're all about sisterhood these days :) I'm working on just saying "thank you" and leaving it at that, instead of adding some side remark like "you think so??".

    Btw, I'll start retweeting more

  5. I concur! I think it's also your own insecurities that make you act the way that you act, like even though women make it seem that they're confident about how they look you can ALWAYS tell they're insecurities by the way they talk about other women...

  6. @mikki - your retweets are giving me fuel for blog topics! but i hear what you're saying - you can tell when someone is not being genuine.

    @belen - yes! that is exactly what i mean! i think insecurity breeds negativity. i told ana the other day that we should be inspired by other cool, creative, confident women - not threatened.

  7. love this post lin. i def need to learn how to not over analyze everything! nicely written

  8. di - thank you, di!
    margaret - i like this quote: to have a good friend, you must be a good friend. it just takes time :)