Friday, September 9, 2011

I am an emergency room nurse...

 At times, I enjoy my job, even though many believe differently. I joke and whine about this job more than I tell the reality of it. Because the reality is far too much to many or some. My co-workers and I have built, what I like to imagine, a wall that holds us together and makes us into stone. The wall protects us from being broken down into an emotional mess that you can't move forward from. With this job, you can't take anything home because it will damage you. I've seen hurt more than many will ever see in their entire lives, and those memories are meant to be placed on paper, and walked away from.

And so that’s what my cousin Kika has inspired me to do: leave the stories on paper and walk away.

Today I will share a story when my wall was broken….

I saw into an older woman's eyes today… from then on I understood: a heartbreak is a heartbreak no matter what age we find ourselves…

Loneliness is loneliness…
Sadness is sadness...

It's only emptiness that lives within our eyes when we are broken. I haven't seen those eyes in years… thanks to Him… she stared straight, wondering about nothing but only questioning, "Why does my heart continue to beat? Why must my lungs continue to inhale, when all I want to do is rest?"

She went on telling me about her sorrows, and I relived all her memories at her side. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to place the pieces back together. But what's so often misunderstood is…. No matter if you do succeed in finding all the shattered pieces…

They will never be placed back the same way….
Pieces will be misplaced.
Pieces will be relocated.
And some will never fit again…

So, all I could manage to do was listen and provide a gently touch….
With a soft sigh.
And a deep “I'm so sorry."

Today I saw into an older woman's eyes.
And I said good-bye.

-this girl, di


  1. this is sad, di. i think it's cool that you can separate your feelings from you work. you're strong - i'd be in tears every day.

  2. i always wonder, being your sister, how you manage to cope with all of those lives on your shoulders. i think this was one of your best blogs, because it's all the stuff/stories that we keep inside...that needs to be let out.
    i'm so proud of your superhero strength. :]


  3. no you wouldnt because the beauty of it is that you were there for them. makes you get through it knowing that you connected with someone and helped them through their moments. thats the greatness of my job. we have to find the light in the dark place.

  4. thanks nay nay. being strong starts at home ;) thank you for keeping me like this.

  5. You are undoubtedly a great nurse and my heroine. I love this Di and I love you for what you do! <3

  6. thanks syl!!! one day you shall be by my side!