Ladies, This Is an Intervention

Ladies. Ladies. Ladies.

Wear a gosh darn bra that fits. Y'all are driving me crazy when y'all walk around with sagging boobs, "wide" boobs, or spillage at the top/sides of the bra. I know y'all spend enough time in the mirror to catch these blunders. You girls at the club are the worst... maybe you think you're cute struttin' your stuff to Drake in your little leopard-print strapless, but girl,your rack... that strapless bra is doing you no favors, and your boobs are down to your belly button. Hell. No. Ain't no boy buying you a drink that night.

But I can help you.

First, you need to accept your bra size. Whether you think you're too big, or too small, it is what it is and you need to own it. I like to ask people their bra sizes because I'm nosy. Some of y'all straight up claim a C-cup when it's evident that your breasts are larger than two toddler heads. Not only do you lie to me, but you lie to yourself when you buy a 34C bra. You're looking a hot mess because you don't want to face that you're a 36DD. Skinny little straps make you sag. Wearing smaller cups because you think they lift is non-sense, because now you're spilling. And only smaller-busted people can get away with a strapless and avoid sagging (sorry to crush your dreams). None of that is cute, or flattering.

Secondly, fork over the money. Bras should be pretty and bras should do their job. Always. Cheap bras usually only have the cuteness down, so you're going to have to pay a little more to look sexy and have support. But the beauty of this is that you never need to pay full-price for a good bra. Money shouldn't be an issue when there are sales galore at department stores, and especially online. A bra is an investment.

Lastly, quit being lazy. You need to go get yourself measured. Department stores and Victoria's Secret do it for free. Those ladies are so nice and have soft hands and mousy voices and they're your fitting room slaves. Try bras on. And know that it takes time to find The One. Don't settle on a bra that is not cute or not supportive. Keep looking for a perfect match for yourself - there's a bra for everyone. And you'll fall in love when you find it. The whole universe aligns and it's magic. Promise.

So there's my rant! Give in, ladies. Ill-fitting bras make you look "unsmooth" and actually make you look bigger than you are. You don't want that, do you? Then invest in a great brassiere - there are few greater joys. It will make you feel more confident and comfortable, and I swear your clothes will look better. Let's do our amazing bodies some justice and wear only things that compliment us. And then shake it in the club, you little vixen.

Resources:

Lululemon sports bras for the busty gals. You need one of these.

Figleaves is bra paradise. And underwear paradise. And swimwear paradise. I want a gift card for my birthday. Please? Thanks.

Oprah is passionate about bras that fit. Here. Here. And here.