Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Bold Yet Bashful!

I spent a week at my parents' house in Mexico for my dad's birthday this past month. I had a great time marveling at the peacocks across the street. Following my dad around as he tended to his sheep and chickens. Studying my moms hands as she sewed me a dress. Eating fresh cut fruit on the porch, listening to stories of my parents childhood.

We gave my dad a DVD player for his birthday and gave him old home videos. He loved it and insisted we set it up right then to watch the videos. Admittedly, it took us a few good hours of figuring out which colored cord went into which slot. It can get confusing. After an hour or so we got it to work! 

So many childhood memories flooding back as I saw family and friends appear on my parents 17-inch screen.  I saw my old neighborhood and I paused and stared at shots of the inside of our old house. I saw my old stuffed rabbit, Floppy Ears, a gift from my oldest sister when I was sick. There he was, brand new, still fluffy as the first day I got him. I saw family members in 80's hair and makeup, then I saw my 5-year-old self! 

It was my sister Alma's Quinceanera video, her Quinceanera was in the theme of a rainbow. All of her "damas" were in all the colors of the rainbow, my mom made all of the dresses. On our heads was a tulle bow the size of our own heads the color of our dresses. The chambelans in black pants and a white button up with a tie, ready to walk the rainbow dressed girls down the crowded aisle. I was too young to be a dama, so I was her bible girl, holding her bible down the aisle instead of a floral bouquet. I was dressed in a silver dress representing a cloud. All I remember about that dress was that it was very itchy as my mom used tulle for the skirt. The ceremony was very long and I fell asleep standing up, right there on the altar right next to my celebrated sister. After the very long ceremony we headed to our childhood home for the reception. Back then they didn't hold receptions in hotel rooms like they do now. The video continued there and this is where I had my biggest revelation of myself. 

I had always thought I'd been a quiet and bashful girl. Growing up, I was always very quiet and if you knew me at school you would know that I was very shy and quiet. But that's not what was revealed in the video!

Me on the end next to my sister in the blue dress, my other sister and cousin in the red dresses

I saw my sister drive up in her decorated car, it was the fanciest car we knew! My uncle's black "Cougar" with bows and ribbon all over it. There my sister stood as her guests all circled her to greet her and there I stood as well. Knowing I would appear on camera and video. Even then I loved to be on camera! I saw a friend of my sister's greeting her and wishing her a happy birthday, then I heard a tiny voice ordering this woman to move 'cause she was blocking the camera! The owner of that tiny voice was none other than my 5-year-old self!! Yet as soon as the words left my tiny mouth, I hid behind my sister.

How can a little girl be as bold as that then, in the same moment, be so bashful?

I pondered on this as we drove the six hours back home. Those characteristics have followed me my whole life, as I think back to all the confrontations I've had. Except, now, every time I'm confronted with a situation, I will remember my 5-year-old self, but I won't hide behind anything anymore.


  1. you messed up the black shoe, white shoe pattern in that pic, banana!

    i love your writing here, ana! makes me feel like i'm at your parents' house!

  2. HAHA Patterns! Girl them black shoes messed up this picture! White medias with black shoes! No te digo!

    Mission accomplished!