Why don’t you want to have a baby?

I’m going to answer this once and for all, I hope. I don’t want to have kids yet because I’m not ready! Simply-put!
 

I wonder if people realize what they’re asking me! It’s not to have a lovable kid that you can hold for a while, or see who the baby will look like! No, you are asking me to create another human being! One that, ultimately, I will be responsible for! I’ll have to shape and mold that child into a respectable human being. And it starts when s/he’s born!

My new niece, Baby Selah Vanessa

It’s not only figuring out how to physically take care of the baby, and make sure it doesn’t get hurt. You have to make sure you don’t make them too needy and attached to you. You have to nurture them just right. Then, as a toddler, make them obedient and teach them new things. It’s not just figuring out how to make it through the terrible-twos - you have to mold your child so s/he’s not terrible! Then come the even harder child years, when all your hard work will either pay off or lack thereof will really come out. You have to figure out how to discipline your child and help them become his/her own! This is also when kids can get hurt, so you have to constantly watch over them, but not too much that they don’t grow on their own! I won’t even get to the pre-teen and teen years! Those are too much for me to even handle!

And I don't even want to think about how much money it will take to have a baby, and then feed and clothe them, and give them all they need!

Having a baby is not just having a baby! It’s creating a human being that will have morals, and respect, and be accomplished! I don’t even think I’m there yet!

Dropping science like Galileo dropped an orange:

So, it’s back to school for me, and I freaking love it! I love learning about the anatomy and physiology of the human body! Although I’ve already taken the two advanced classes of this subject, I’m taking it again for the program I’m in... easy-peasy and I am still learning new things every time. I want to share some of this knowledge with you all. Some of it is from my Microbiology class, some from Anatomy & Physiology. Read, learn, and enjoy!

• Our bones break down and build up to contour our lifestyle; they are no more than 10 years old!
• Endospores are a type of bacteria that are harder to kill than any other bacteria. Lysol won’t work (think anthrax)!
• Water is NOT organic because it does not contain carbon!
• All cells contain DNA, except red blood cells - they have no nucleus!
• A virus is only alive when it enters a host cell.
• The Human Genome Project was a great idea!

This is just the beginning of what I would like to present to you all. I’ve always felt that knowledge is key, and knowledge is power. Even if you don’t ever use this, it’s good to know these tidbit facts about life and ourselves! Pass the knowledge!

These are from my Microbiology class. I had to run a series of tests to determine which bacteria was what (so much fun!):

I swear I want to be a lab rat in addition to being a nurse! I love science!

micrococcus roseus

an unknown, SIM test

micrococcus roseus

I am an emergency room nurse...

 At times, I enjoy my job, even though many believe differently. I joke and whine about this job more than I tell the reality of it. Because the reality is far too much to many or some. My co-workers and I have built, what I like to imagine, a wall that holds us together and makes us into stone. The wall protects us from being broken down into an emotional mess that you can't move forward from. With this job, you can't take anything home because it will damage you. I've seen hurt more than many will ever see in their entire lives, and those memories are meant to be placed on paper, and walked away from.

And so that’s what my cousin Kika has inspired me to do: leave the stories on paper and walk away.

Today I will share a story when my wall was broken….

I saw into an older woman's eyes today… from then on I understood: a heartbreak is a heartbreak no matter what age we find ourselves…

Loneliness is loneliness…
Sadness is sadness...

It's only emptiness that lives within our eyes when we are broken. I haven't seen those eyes in years… thanks to Him… she stared straight, wondering about nothing but only questioning, "Why does my heart continue to beat? Why must my lungs continue to inhale, when all I want to do is rest?"

She went on telling me about her sorrows, and I relived all her memories at her side. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to place the pieces back together. But what's so often misunderstood is…. No matter if you do succeed in finding all the shattered pieces…

They will never be placed back the same way….
Pieces will be misplaced.
Pieces will be relocated.
And some will never fit again…

So, all I could manage to do was listen and provide a gently touch….
With a soft sigh.
And a deep “I'm so sorry."

Today I saw into an older woman's eyes.
And I said good-bye.


-this girl, di

Moving time

This last Saturday we moved into a new apartment, and I'm loving it! We moved to an apartment on the first level, in the same building. We were having trouble with our downstairs neighbor at our old apartment. She was so sensitive to noise. She would very annoyingly bang on her ceiling (our floor) to tell us we were being too loud. We literally couldn't even walk to our bedroom without hearing her bang! I'm glad we moved!

I really love my new apartment. Our view is better, and it feels more like a home. Plus, it gives us an excuse to redecorate! OK - I gotta go. Ari is starting to get crazy! Mommy duty calls!

Summer's Not Over, Yet

After Labor Day, everyone thinks summer is over - but it's not! We still have 2 more weeks! Don't deprive me of my loves!

I practically lived at the FOE pool

I love that the fella and I have the same schedule!

I love the BBQs and parties my family and friends have!

I love wearing dresses and short-shorts everyday!

I love crashing people's pools and swimming til it's dark!

I love that the sun lightens my hair and darkens my skin!

I love that it doesn't get dark til past 8pm!

I love when the sun makes my skin warm!

I love when my hair air-dries after swimming, and it has perfect waves!

I love dancing at rooftop parties to great music!

I love camping outdoors with all of my husband's family!

I, for one, want to hold on to summer and all its little loves!

Deep in the heart...

It’s about that time! Yesterday’s weather, a cool 86 degrees, was a great change up from the usual 100+ here in the Lone Star State. Along with all other great feelings of this great weather is the reminder of what’s to come later this month: The State Fair of Texas! Some call me crazy, some call me cool - all I know is that the fair should not be missed, and I am all over it! I made a calendar for it, and everything!

If the fair was a carnival, I’d be a carnie! I enjoy anything and everything there: I love that people come in from out of state, out of town just for those 3 weeks of fun, FOOD and more FUN! I enjoy trying the new and bizarre foods (although sometimes I don’t try them all), the picture-taking, the people! Everything is so photogenic there! As you can tell, I’m extremely excited for this time of year. Get your season pass, let’s go!

New fried foods for the 2011 season:

fried bubble gum, its not really bubble gum! (winner for most creative)

fried buffalo chicken in a flapjack (winner for the tastiest!)

the place looks better at night, so many lights! and the fresh air to go with it! love!

It Ain't Always What You Think

I was going through my Twitter feed today and stumbled upon an update that a girlfriend of mine re-tweeted:

"Men socialize by insulting each other, but they don’t mean it. Women socialize by complimenting each other, and they don’t mean it either."

Call me dramatic for getting so riled up over a tweet - blanket statements like these are all over the internet - but this little generalization really irked me. I hate how women are portrayed as being catty, jealous, and passive-aggressive towards each other. There's always some ulterior motive in the way she shook your hand and smiled, or "condescendingly" helped you with your chemistry lab. I'm not saying that mean girls are a myth. What I am saying is that there aren't as many as you think.

When I was younger, I was scared to have close relationships with other girls. I've always had female friends but, with the exception of a few, I kept them all at a distance. I was so guarded and questioned every nice thing they said or did... But then I met some really awesome, smart, confident, happy girls. Some of them write on this blog with me. And my way of thinking switched. The girls I spend time with now are amazing in their respective ways, but the common denominator is that they're all secure in themselves. When we encourage and compliment each other, there is trust. And I think that's the key: in order to be secure with others, you need to be secure with yourself.

Of course, I have my days: a couple of weeks ago, I was running errands and this chick had a bad staring problem. I was getting defensive - I can't believe she is muggin' so blatantly, and something bad is about to go down in this Target parking lot! Before I walked past her, she told me she loved my dress. I was totally caught off-guard. I was feelin' her good vibes. My scowl turned into a smile, I said "thank you", and walked away with my faith in sisterhood restored.

Calm down, ladies. When someone says or does something nice for you, don't go gettin' all defensive, analyzing what that broad really meant. It ain't always what you think.

Figuring out Ari's costume!

I have been out of the loop lately, but I'm back now. My dear friend Diana asked me if she could buy Ari's Halloween costume. Of course, I said yes! She showed me the pictures of the costumes she liked the most, and let me tell you: they are super cute! I told her to choose the costume because I probably would never be able to make up my mind. She told me she's also having trouble making a decision. So, I wanted to get everyone else's opinion on which costume we should pick!

We are down to three costumes:

the monkey

the puppy

the lion

To Kindle, or not to Kindle?

Recently, I spent a whole day soaking up some sun with the family at a fun waterpark. It was a great time! Like many, I like to get my tan on. So, I got outta the water and sat on my towel, I pulled out my latest read, Hunger Games, and I sprawled out for a nice glowing tan - this is the usual procedure.

I noticed a woman come and sat in the water with a ziploc bag and a Kindle! She was reading in the water as I was reading out to the side of the water, trying desperately to keep my fingers dry to turn the pages.

Well this got me thinking: maybe I should get a Kindle! But then my mind made a list, as it normally does when I want to buy something new:

• I like to sneak and read the last page before I get to it (don't judge me - I'm curious).
• I like to be able to judge how much of the book I have left to read by feeling the thickness of one side of it.
• I like knowing which books I read in the summer by looking at those watermarked pages.
• And knowing which books I read in the winter by those coffee rings on the pages.
• I like that noise the pages make as I turn them.
• I won't be able to smell the new pages and old books (yes, books have a smell).
• I like to look at the folded corners and see where I stopped and started last time (I usually re-read my books).
• I like to see all the books I've read on my shelf, like little trophies.

So while I will have to lay out instead of sit in the water to read my book, I'll still enjoy all the little pleasures that come with reading a book.

I have been waiting...

I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and...... yes, waiting to say this one little line..... I am engaged!!!!!

Awww, thank you, thank you! No need for the standing O... sit, sit.

It is official. Oh, so official. Ring on the finger. Blessing from our families. Even the date set! It is finally happening and the best part is: it's actually happening to us. Seven years in the making to get to this point in our lives, and loving every moment.

The day was simply ours. The fiancé (like the sound of it) surprised me with a weekend at a beautiful suite and reservations to a frou-frou restaurant with oh-so-delicious food!

And so it began...

As we sat at out fancy dinner, I knew the moment was amongst us, but where and when?!?! I was antsy. I playfully looked at the bottom of ALL the glasses at the table and asked him, "So, no ring at the bottom of these, huh?" Pastry time!!! Oh, the ring must be in my chocolately goodness! FAIL!

But I know the fiancé ,and he is not the one to put on a big show, especially in front of strangers. So private setting it must be. Which, either way, was fine with me! As long as I had him.

Dinner was done. Tab paid for. On our way back up to our room and I was dying!!!! Not for a possible engagement, but for the potty!!! I had to pee and pee bad! Door opens, I run in literally screaming, "I gotta pee, I gotta potty!" Pee pee dance and all!!!! Then....

pee pee dance!

I round the corner and see smiling faces from all the people that I love more than life itself: my family..... our family. SURPRISE!!! And good jebus it was! Mouth wide-open and nothing coming out... great surprise. The hugging fest started and, soon after, I felt his hand touch mine. He led me to the side and he started to speak. He addressed our families and thanked them for sharing in this moment. Then......

He looked at me, and I at him.

"I couldn't have hand-picked anybody better to ask this to."

Box in hand.... teary eyes in place..... knee gently on the floor.... hand reaches out......

"Will you marry me?"

duh, i said yes

It was perfect because it was us. Hugs came. Beautiful words of advice and congrats from our families continued.

It was perfect.

Hey, fiancé, you did great.

The Dames